My Healing Journey Is Finally Coming to an End
My healing journey is coming to an end. I feel sad, but grateful and relieved at the same time.
It has been quite a journey, and honestly, I am happy that it is. Not because I regret it, but because I am finally seeing the results I was working toward for so many years.
Where My Healing Journey Began
My healing journey started when I was 17 years old, when I decided that I didn’t want to live the same way as my mother or the people around me.
Deep down, I knew I was built for something different. Something more.
I knew I was different. I just didn’t know how.
For years, I was on a journey of self-discovery, but I was also trying to fix myself so I could fit into the “normal” world. I tried to live my life like everyone else.
And my people-pleasing personality, which was one of my main trauma responses, didn’t make that any easier.
Luckily, I have one trait that many people have told me I should change: I am stubborn. And I have a lot of stamina when I decide I want something.
Looking back, that trait actually helped me stay connected to my inner self.
But for a long time, my people-pleasing was stronger.
How People-Pleasing Controlled My Life
There were many times when I felt depressed, disconnected, and miserable because I was constantly trying to play by other people’s rules.
I diminished myself.
I didn’t tell the whole truth about what I thought or felt.
I allowed people to do things to me that I didn’t actually want.
I was always there for others while constantly letting myself down.
My needs always came last.
Why?
Because somewhere inside me, I believed I needed to fit in and make other people happy so they would love me.
My abusive mother was my first bully and one of the first people who taught me to develop my people-pleasing personality to the fullest.
And what you learn as a child can become the way you live as an adult—unless you consciously heal and transform those inner patterns, beliefs, and programs.
Trying to Fix Myself Wasn't Working
For years, I thought I needed to fix myself.
I thought I needed to become better, healthier, more successful, more acceptable.
But trying to fix myself and live according to other people’s rules didn’t make me happy, healthy, or abundant.
It made me miserable.
I constantly felt unloved, disconnected, and alone.
What finally started helping me was my massage studio.
There, I was creating healing treatments and helping people in different ways. And for the first time, I really felt like myself.
I felt useful.
I felt worthy.
I felt connected to something bigger within me.
I am pretty sure that massage center was an important part of my path. It allowed me to develop my healing skills and learn so much about energy work.
And I am genuinely grateful for that experience.
But my people-pleasing was still there.
Eventually, it contributed to burnout and exhaustion.
I also realized that I was trying to build a business for the wrong reasons.
I was looking for validation outside of myself.
I was trying to prove to my mother that I was worthy of love.
I wanted to prove that I could succeed on my own.
So I ended my business.
And that is when my intense healing journey truly began.
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When I Finally Had Enough
I had simply had enough.
I also stopped looking for love in men and trying to make relationships work at any cost.
Today, I understand why so many of those relationships didn’t work.
I was trying to find outside of myself what I had not yet learned to give myself.
So I stopped.
I stepped away from my normal life and made space to clean out my inner closet.
And there was a lot to clean.
At the beginning, I remember spending several hours at a time working on myself because my need to get better was so strong that I couldn’t stop.
Looking back, there are parts of that period I don’t even want to remember.
It was deep.
It was painful.
But it changed everything.
The Belief That Was Running My Life: “I Am Not Worthy of Living”
After months of healing and experiencing countless “aha” moments, I reached my first major breakthrough.
I realized that I was carrying a deeply imprinted belief:
“I am not worthy of living.”
And that belief was influencing so much of my life.
It showed up as:
“I don’t care about myself.”
“You can do whatever you want with me.”
“I am not worthy of success.”
“I am not worthy of love.”
“I am not enough.”
I practically had no boundaries, no confidence, and very little self-esteem.
I didn’t know how to simply be myself.
And then something began to change.
Learning to Love Myself
Once I started releasing and transforming those deeply rooted beliefs, I began to feel something I had struggled to feel for most of my life:
Love toward myself.
And slowly, my people-pleasing personality started to dissolve.
Of course, this didn’t happen overnight.
It took years.
There were many shifts, many layers, many moments when I thought I was done—only to discover another layer underneath.
But I did it.
Discovering That I Am Neurodivergent
Another major shift happened when I realized that I am neurodivergent.
About a year ago, I started understanding that I have ADHD and possibly AuDHD.
Many people tried to convince me that this wasn’t true.
But this time, I didn’t let them decide what was true for me.
And that was a huge sign that my people-pleasing pattern was no longer controlling my life.
I started learning what ADHD actually means, how my brain works, what behavioral patterns come from the way my brain is wired, and—most importantly—who I actually am.
For the first time, I stopped believing that something was deeply wrong with me.
I started accepting myself.
Fully.
I Am No Longer Ashamed of Who I Am
Today, I believe my life is a gift.
And so am I.
I know I see things differently from many people.
I know my perspective is different.
And I know that the way I see the world can help heal and transform lives.
Most importantly, I stopped pushing myself to become somebody else.
I am authentically myself.
Fully myself.
And I am no longer ashamed of who I am.
I am creating a life that aligns with who I am every single day.
And it feels amazing.
I Am Finally in Control of My Own Life
Today, I feel more in control of myself.
I can live from a higher version of me—a version that listens to my body, understands how my brain works, respects my needs, and makes decisions based on who I actually am.
I don’t allow ADHD, other people’s expectations, or old patterns to dictate my life anymore.
I am in control of myself and my life.
And perhaps the biggest gift my healing journey has given me is this:
I no longer depend on other people to tell me who I am.
I know I am here to take care of myself.
I don’t constantly seek validation anymore because I deeply know my worth.
I don’t need everyone to love me.
I don’t need everyone to understand me.
And I am no longer afraid of living my life.
And honestly?
It feels incredible.
What My Healing Journey Taught Me
I am forever grateful that I listened to myself and chose to go on this healing journey.
It was confusing.
It was painful.
It was messy.
It was incredibly challenging.
But it was worth it.
Because healing wasn’t about becoming someone new.
It was about finally becomingmyself.
And perhaps that is what healing really is.
Not fixing who you are.
Not becoming more acceptable.
Not changing yourself so other people will love you.
But removing the layers that taught you that you were never enough in the first place.
Today, I can finally say:
I am worthy.
I am enough.
I am myself.
And I am no longer afraid to live my life.
Want to Go Through Your Own Healing Journey?
If you are also working through old patterns, people-pleasing, limiting beliefs, or the feeling that something inside you is holding you back, you don’t have to do it alone.
Join my membership, where we haveweekly healing sessions focused on self-awareness, inner transformation, and releasing the patterns that no longer serve you.
As a member, you will also have access to private healing sessions.
Your healing journey can begin with one decision:
Choosing yourself.